Short Musings


November 20, 2014

IMG_1077Ever stare a tree so long that it starts to appear fictional?  And in turn, you begin to feel less real too?  There is something insanely comforting in that.  They remind us where we came from.

Trees are record keepers.


Short Musings


November 18, 2014


fifth dimensionLast week, one of my readers described a post of mine as VERY ‘heady’ (using all CAPS to emphasize just how ‘heady’).

I blushed, breathed into my humility and cringed in agreement.

Over the past few months, in an attempt to revamp my website, I have had the chore of combing through my entire portfolio of writing. I too walked away with a keen recognition of how cerebral my reflections have been.

I deduce, make inferences, analyze and conclude.

These deductions are based on insights that naturally arise from a predisposition to feeling A LOT.

This is how my brain works, how our highly sensitive brains work.

With our increased ability for insights comes a strong pull to share, to realize our potential if you will.

There is an undeniable exertion that comes with that pull.  In order to land our potential, we over-rationalize, logically labor and mentally might.

How can we not? This is a matter of soul satiety; spiritual life and death.

The insights that started off as bliss soon morph into a four-walled, dark and dingy prison from which there is no escape.

As I look around at the paralyzed creative, the struggling musician and the tortured artist, I can’t help but wonder if our shared ‘strife’ is correlated to the distance between the recognition of our potential and the time it takes for us to realize it.

Do the addictions, depressions and self-doubt live in the space between recognition (feeling) and realization (creation)?

I believe they do.

BUT, what if…

Time and space did not exist?

We could recognize and realize our potential at the same time?

We could feel and create simultaneously?

We could leave logic out of it?

I wholeheartedly believe we can.

We are moving away from the logical information-based age and into an age where quantum shifting is possible and the doors to the 5th dimension not only exist but are flung wide open.

How do I know this? Because I can feel it…

And because I can feel it, I know.

So, how do we begin to move away from the logical and our coinciding addiction to belabor our potential?

We choose it.

We ask to be shown.

Beyond that, I have no freakin clue.

I feel more of a beginner than I ever have and it feels insanely liberating.

Perhaps my past overemphasis on logic has me in hot pursuit of the illogical; the same way too much time in the dark has propelled me to become a radical seeker of the light.

More weirdness to follow…

Short Musings


November 13, 2014

watch out world

My journal has been collecting dust for months now.

My overly-reflective self has clearly taken the sidelines.

Perhaps I am processing more in the present moment, leaving less of a need to process after the fact.

Yet, after the fact is where I’m used to creating.

My reflective self is where my creative self has historically come to life.

And so I find myself at a major crossroads.

I’m recognizing it is impossible to be both reflective and present.

So how do I embrace this new incarnation of myself that lives in the present? The self that has lost interest in ruminating for hours and is far more enchanted with the synchronicities existing right in front of her.

How do I share from this place?

More importantly, how do I create from this place?

It feels scary paralyzing.

Creating from the present means I have to let go of perfection.

It means I have to leave my weighty thesaurus at the door.

It means I have to produce, publish and press send before my obsessive (protective) side gets a say.

It requires a whole new level of vulnerability.

Unedited. Uncensored. Uncut.

Can I be OK with creating from this place?

I think I can…

I guess I am warning you that moving forward, things may look a little different around here.

Messy, more unkempt and maybe even a little chaotic.

I don’t see a choice in the matter. I must create. In the words of Pearl Buck, “by some unknown inward urgency, I am not alive unless I am creating.

If creating from the present is anything like living here…watch out world.



October 31, 2014

Last weekend made for my eighth weekend on the road, in a row.

kind of an HSP nightmare, I realize.

Although traveling is much easier than it used to be, it is by no means seamless.

My natural rhythms unconsciously speed up a few days prior to the day of travel; the same time anticipatory anxiety kicks into high gear. Since I can’t stand the feeling of internal haste, I have no choice but to intentionally slow down.  Depending on how vigorously my mind is forecasting my future travel plans, the process of decelerating can be a bit off-putting.

And than there’s the packing…

Making sure my physical needs get met is an added echelon of worry.

I have historically been an over-packer.  Throughout the past couple of years, I have sized down my wardrobe and am working with a mere 10-outfit rotation nowadays so when it comes to packing for a trip, I literally don’t have the options.  It has become easier with this “less is more” mentality though I would be lying if I said packing was completely absent of overwhelm.

As far as nutrition on the road, the perfect balance of planning ahead of time and trusting that my somewhat specific dietary guidelines will get met is an art I have not yet mastered.  The latter requires an element of disappointment and perhaps bodily discomfort that I would rather not feel.

When I landed in Charleston, South Carolina last weekend for a much-anticipated family wedding, I had a familiar adrenal hangover that haunts me when a lion-share of my energy goes into excessive planning, preparation and control.  Sheer exhaustion takes the forefront followed by a body full of lead and a head that won’t stop spinning.

“Dammit, Kate,” I thought to myself. “You know better than this.”

I am keenly aware that the energy I have is what is leftover after moving through my own resistance.

As my family deliberated whether to explore our first visit to beautiful Charleston via bike ride, a swim in the ocean, or a saunter downtown, I was having my own inner deliberation of how I was going to make it through the day.

My mind hijacked my body.

I was fighting my exhaustion, scolding my over-planner and trying to mask the fact that I felt like utter crap.

And than suddenly, I remembered…


A voice inside me breathed, “practice peace”, echoed by the sentiment, “you get what you practice, not what you want” (thank you Laura Hames Franklin).

I knew that battling my lethargy was a dead end so instead I tuned into the vibration of peace. I closed my eyes and leaned into a sense of deep relaxation (the way I feel when I am resting on a mountaintop, swinging in my hammock, or absorbed in meditation).

My jaw immediately relaxed, my shoulders dropped what felt like 10 inches and my stomach released (I did not know I was holding it).

Within mere moments, I heard my body begging for movement. I proceeded to do a series of cartwheels on the front lawn of the hotel where we were staying (I can’t remember the last time I did a cartwheel, by the way).

My energy miraculously came back.

Wild, right?

These “energetic miracles” have been occurring somewhat frequently lately.

There are days when I wake up and can’t move my stiff back until after meditation when inexplicably, it releases completely. There are other days where I’m struggling on a jog and remember to stop pushing so hard, when suddenly a burst of energy courses through my veins and my legs want to sprint.

These “energetic miracles” are beckoning me to flow beyond my default of tightening.

Tight has forever felt safe…but not so much anymore.

I am learning that peace is in the expansion and not the constriction.

This is contrary to everything I have believed up until this point.  I am aware that it will take practice and there will be various levels of impermanent constriction for greater, more permanent levels of expansion.

My sensitive body says she is ready to feel more.  So, deeper and farther we must go….

(PICTURED: Will and I exploring downtown Charleston (with our “serious” faces).  We are standing under ‘Read & Read’, my new last name as of a few weeks ago!)


Short Musings


October 30, 2014


Over the past several months, and for maybe the first time ever, I have felt more earthling than alien. The level of presence that has descended upon me is strangely relatable to an acid trip, sans the LSD.

Nothing has changed, yet everything has.

An unfamiliar level of peace is here.

Perhaps peace has always been here, it has just been inaccessible to me. I see this inaccessibility as a theme for us. We have trouble being present enough to experience true peace; our highly reactive minds are pre-occupied with protecting our raw nervous systems. We get stuck in resistance and messy mental chatter, falsely believing peace comes inside our fortification.

There will always be something for our minds to fortify against and fixate upon so rather than fixating on struggle, let us fixate on peace.  Lets focus our exceedingly passionate personalities on becoming addicted to peace.

Peace is right here, right now…all around us.

Where do you experience peace? Take notice. Once you know its vibration, practice it. And I don’t mean practice in terms of adding another thing to your ‘to-do’ list. I mean practice peace by choosing peace. 

{NOTE #1: striving after peace and presence will make certain we never have it (as proof from my breakdown on Tuesday)}

{NOTE #2: tripping (sans drugs) is SO awesome}

Short Musings


October 28, 2014

Global Tears

I’m at a loss for words and it’s utterly maddening.

I need to share. Staying quiet does not feel like an option.

I have known for quite sometime that my message and the way I speak about sensitivity and addiction is shifting. The platform remains the same but my perspective, entirely different. Struggle no longer reigns supreme and that changes the whole shebang.

Ironic, that in my effort to share from a more buoyant place, heaviness has returned.

I have been aggressively pushing, forcing, and wrangling after the right words.

I have set up constrictive timelines, implausible deadlines and dubious goals.

Yesterday, as I was staring at a blank page for the umpteenth day in a row, I felt a well of anger swell up in me. It was tsunami in size. I let my dog Koda out of the house as I did not want to scare her with what was about to follow. I opened my mouth and screamed bloody murder for several seconds (or minutes, not sure, I blacked out). My body began to flail in every which direction and I lost all control.

This anger felt unmistakably shared.  It was not just mine.  This was global.

I was screaming for each one of us who can no longer stand to push, force or wrangle. I was shouting for our collective fatigue and flailing for our mutual exhaustion.

The tears that followed were similarly communal.

Surrender, allow, release and let go they whispered.

I have learned this lesson before.

I cried for forgetting, for hampering my soul and for leaving myself, again. I cried even more for each one of us whose soul continues to be overrun by our mistaken belief that applying force is how we ‘get there’.

There is no getting there.

Trusting the process. Trusting that the words I so badly want to communicate will come. My soul clearly does not abide to timelines.

Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. I realize my consistency is anything but. XO

Short Musings


October 22, 2014

Our ability to move through resistance is directly correlated to the amount of peace we allow ourselves to feel.

Letting go, like them.

Short Musings


August 21, 2014

As the summer winds down and my wedding moves ever closer, I find myself writing vows of commitment to a man I can’t wait to marry. In doing so, the synchronicity of these vows has become clear; I am making a commitment to he and I, but also a commitment to myself.

Marriage is vowing to trust ones own feelings. 

It’s a powerful assertion and one that I only recently feel at peace with.

The past several months have swirled up A LOT. I have mentioned that getting engaged and shopping for a wedding gown proved to be far more than just an engagement or a gown – perhaps the magnitude of this process can be attributed to the declaration that lies at the end of it; unconditional trust.

As HSP’s, trust is something we must relearn. So many of us sensitive’s lack the physical strength and emotional resilience to properly trust what we feel.

We live in an internal state of chaos manifested as a spectrum of digestive, auto-immune and hormonal imbalances. Having faith in our bodies may feel impossible.  We cling, we grasp, we strive. We stay cyclically addicted.

Trusting oneself comes on the other side of our failed attempt to trust what’s outside. It’s a slow recalibration back. For some it starts on the cellular level in repairing the nervous system and for others on a mental level with a conscious intention to move out of chaos.

Whatever our path back to trust, strength grows in tangent. We begin to show up in the world with a map yet don’t feel compelled to cling to its directions. We become strong enough to handle life and the scale of what we feel.

I stand before you with a sense of impeccable strength that has been growing in me over the past several years. From this place I am vowing to feel more and trust unconditionally.


Make the vow with me. Commit to trusting what you feel even when it is easier not to (because it will be).



August 20, 2014

My girlfriends were up a few weekends back for my ‘support group weekend’ (aka bachelorette). Walking down the aisle next month will be the biggest right of passage I have ever moved through and although bridesmaids felt a bit too traditional, I wanted to honor the profound women in my life for their company on this journey thus far. As a result, my support group was born.

There were no stripper requirements last weekend and there won’t be any dress obligations for the wedding (though to my surprise, they have all chosen to wear red!). My only desire for having a ‘support group’ was to display gratitude for each one of these women and to receive reciprocal backing as I move into the next phase.

It occurred to me at some point over the weekend as the eight of us rustled through my fridge to make breakfasts and dinners that I had some weird stuff in there – most notably, a huge vat of bone broth and several mason jars full of raw milk kefir and ‘kraut. Over the past several months these odd-ish foods have become staples in my diet.

For those of you who were with me back in April, you know that after a lifetime of digestive issues, I received a clear message that it was time to heal.  I mean really heal.

The days of stomach discomfort, odd digestion, and bouts of fatigue fueled by malnourishment were no longer supporting the way I wanted to live my life and show up in the world.

I embarked on a thirty-day GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) healing protocol and have been including certain variations of the regimen ever since. It was intensely restorative for my body and continues to be nourishing to my entire being. I questioned how and whether to share this “diet” as I know the word can be rather triggering; yet I feel that the benefits of sharing my experience on GAPS far outweigh the activation of the word.


As with anything that truly heals, GAPS discovered me. My body clearly let me know it was ready to release toxins and heal its imbalances and with that declaration, the protocol literally fell into my lap. I immediately purchased the Gut and Psychology Syndrome book and proceeded to research incessantly.


Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride formulated the healing protocol as a means to help her son move beyond a severe learning disability. Along the way, she discovered that all children suffering with autism, ADHD/ADD, asthma, eczema, allergies, dyspraxia or dyslexia all shared one commonality – a compromised digestive tract.

Similarly, she found that those suffering from schizophrenia, depression, eating disorders, bipolar disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder also shared similar digestive abnormalities.

Dr. Campbell-McBride is not the first one to draw this conclusion about the gut. Hippocrates stated that “all disease begins in the gut” way back in 460 BC and in 1807, the father of modern psychiatry Phillipe Pinel concluded, “the primary seat of insanity generally is in the region of the stomach and intestines.”

There is a huge body of research supporting these claims and after extensive inquiry coupled with experimentation on myself, I am a firm believer that it starts and ends in the gut.

Now if you are reading this and your eyes are beginning to glaze over, please stick with me. Perhaps you are taking your daily probiotic, eating yogurt regularly and doing all the things you have been told support gut health. I thought I was too. Yet, I still struggled with my digestion (immensely).

What makes the GAPS healing protocol different is that it seals our guts before we begin to add in healing substances (such as probiotics). This is a vital and often neglected step for those suffering from major gut dysbiosis and/or leaky gut.


In laymen’s terms, gut dysbiosis is a condition that happens when the balance between the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ bacteria has become disrupted. The causes of dysbiosis are many – most notably antibiotics, use of contraceptive pills, excessive alcohol, too much sugar or refined carbs, and stress (on an emotional or mental level).

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most HSP’s, particularly those struggling with steady addiction and depression, have varying degrees of gut dysbiosis. It’s hard to say whether the gut is triggering the addiction/depression or vice versa, a chicken-or-the-egg type scenario.

The main factor I see as perpetuating dysbiosis is the elevated stress levels sensitive’s experience; especially those lacking tools to cope with the vast amount of stimulation our nervous systems are predisposed to sensing. Add to that, disordered eating or prevalence to overusing alcohol and/or drugs and leaky gut unfortunately become unavoidable.

On an anatomical level, leaky gut happens when the pores of our small intestines widen or become too porous allowing undigested food particles and toxins that would normally be blocked make their way to the bloodstream. At this point our symptoms become septic and we may experience a host of symptoms ranging from gas, bloating, seasonal + food allergies, hormonal imbalances, chronic fatigue, mood issues, candida, and autoimmune disorders.

Depending on the intensity and duration of our compromised gut, you can see why simply popping a probiotic and consuming occasional yogurt will not return us to a symbiotic state.

We must work to coat the gut and patch up the holes in our intestines prior to adding in healing substances. Before I go into the ‘sealing’ protocol involved in GAPS, I want to address eating disorders. This chapter in the book particularly peaked my interest as it broke down the cycle in an astonishingly succinct way.


{Adapted directly from Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride’s Gut & Psychology Syndrome}

STAGE ONE – A young adolescent experiences poor body image and as a result develops an inappropriate diet (perhaps restricting/bingeing). The poor nutritional choices eventually lead to a compromised immune system and a high rate of infections. Typically these infections are treated with antibiotics, fueling the vicious cycle of a weakened immune system and more antibiotics. Initial damage to the gut flora happens in this stage.

STAGE TWO – GAPS Syndrome develops. Abnormal gut flora begins producing toxins, which flow out of the leaky gut and into the blood stream. This is where major problems start. The toxins begin to reach the brain and cause problems with mood, behavior and sensory perception (including self-perception).   When a GAPS adolescent (or adult) looks into the mirror, they cannot see their true reflection for brain toxicity has set in (they are not just “deceiving” themselves). It’s not only self-perception that suffers here; it is also perception of human relationships, emotions, and the ability to read social situations.

STAGE THREE – Gut degeneration. In a normal functioning gut, the gut lining is the site of active cell regeneration for the entire body. In order to produce new cells, the body needs nutrients and hormones, which are seemingly unavailable in GAPS patients for they lack the proper digestive functioning to break down food.

STAGE FOUR – Hormonal Exhaustion. This is when things can go seriously awry. Hormones are proteins and the body cannot build them without an adequate supply of zinc, magnesium, fat-soluble vitamins, B vitamins and other nutrients that GAPS patients do not have. Hormones rule just about everything in the body and when they are not being properly developed a host of issues can arise – children stop growing, menstruation becomes irregular or stops altogether, sexual development arrests, poor muscle tone, osteoporosis, sleep problems and behavioral issues to name a few…

If you resonate or relate to this cycle, I urge you to get the book and investigate further. This is a cliffs notes version of Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride’s research.

I must admit when I first read through this chapter on eating disorders, tears flooded. It made so much sense to me and I can see how it plays out for not just those struggling with an eating disorder, but any sensitive soul whose off-the-charts stress level propels them into GAPS syndrome (which is A LOT of us).

It’s one thing to be highly sensitive and to be sensing more than most, but it’s a whole other to be highly sensitive and lacking proper body functioning to digest what we are sensing on a biological level. The ladder feels like a bad dream we can’t wake up from.


Sealing the gut starts with the GAPS Introduction diet, a 30-day healing protocol that was designed to work quickly and efficiently.

The Intro diet removes foods that cannot be fully digested – all grains, sugars (except honey and minimal fruit) and starches. As these foods are eliminated, the holes in the gut wall begin to reseal, stopping toxins from spilling into the blood stream and wreaking havoc in the body.  Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride reiterates how important it is to remove all offending foods from the diet in order to be able to fully heal – the addition of probiotics alone will not work.  I realize this may sound like extreme deprivation, and to a degree it is (even for me who has been eating a mostly whole foods diet for years).

But I must say, after completing 30 days on GAPS Intro, I can honestly tell you I have never felt so nourished in my life. Yes, grains, sugars and starches go away, but what is added in – wholesome bone broths, mouth-watering fats, and healing raw milk kefirs and yogurts provide a level of satisfaction that our cells have been begging for.

My ordinary cravings for carbohydrates and sugars dissolved (something most GAPS patients crave given our unstable blood sugars). Deep nourishment descended upon me.  My mind quieted and my body was being fueled in a way that felt sustainable.

Several months later I continue to feel nourished. I know that I have some ways to go on my digestive healing journey but the ‘sealing’ piece of the equation has been somewhat of a Godsend. I have found no other healing protocol that includes this step and in my case, it was essential.


I believe in the power of the body to heal itself.

I believe in the power of the gut to heal the body.

I believe in the power of foods to heal the gut…but that is not the whole story.

I write this post from a place of wanting to share the research behind what I consider to be a very nourishing way for HSP’s to heal. That said, I arrived at this place because I was lead by my body. I trusted that she new better than I on how to experience optimal heath.

I realize each of our journeys is different. I want you to take in this information and return to your body. What has nourished you in the past? What is nourishing you in this moment? Are you not sure? Are you looking for deeper levels of nourishment?

It is in you. Listen deeper, and deeper still.

The more we listen to our bodies, the louder they will speak to us. It won’t always be the same. I trust that GAPS has worked for me at this point in my life but by no means does that mean I will stay within its guidelines forever, or even tomorrow for that matter. It’s a constant listening. I am right there with you, bravely choosing to trust every day.

So Much Love.



July 21, 2014

A few Sundays back, I found myself lazily walking through the woods behind our house with Will and Koda. The sun was not shining but the vibrant greens of the newly sprouted trees, moss and flowers appeared to be lit from the inside out. Joy was pulsating through my body at a vibration I had forgotten existed. In that moment, I looked over at Will and said, “We came to Vermont to heal, didn’t we?” He smiled back knowing full well that was the truth.

The power of nature’s ability to return one to homeostasis is uncanny.

I did not consciously know why I needed to leave city life for a house in the woods but a more intelligent part of me knew exactly why. The wisdom whispered from mother natures raw splendor is recalibrating a disrupted connection to the beauty in me. 

If I were honest with you I would tell you that feeling physically beautiful is something I have spent two and half decades chasing after. Sure there were days where I had recently gotten my hair highlighted, my make-up looked pristine, or I was at that perfect weight; you know, the weight that we spend most of our days fantasizing about. But lasting intrinsic beauty, that was something others had, something I lacked. I felt I had to pin it down, maintain or manipulate it in some way otherwise it would become obscure and escape me altogether.

With the passing of my thirtieth birthday in June, I must share that beauty has never felt closer. The highlights have just about faded out of my hair, make-up is not an everyday occurrence, and that perfect weight, well it’s no longer in my awareness. The strife for physical beauty has dissolved. I would be lying if I told you I wake up every morning feeling gorgeous but there are days where I sense it so wholly and completely that I feel there is a message to impart.

Now I don’t believe we go from abhorring our appearance to reveling it overnight; we must first learn to embrace the parts of ourselves choosing aversion. The same is true for the emotional eater; we do not move directly from the restrict-binge cycle to eating intuitively, we must first learn to acknowledge the parts of ourselves choosing deprivation.

Both aversion and deprivation serve a significant purpose; they brace against our inherent fragility and defend our deepest imperfections. Because it does not feel safe to show up in our sensitive bodies as they are, we over-utilize the parts of ourselves whose primary function is to strive towards a better version, one that is not so flawed.

The problem with over-utilization is that our striving parts become inflated. They take center stage in a system where the soul is supposed to lead.

It’s a draining existence and a tireless race against the clock. Slowing down when there are so many shortfalls to compensate for is devastatingly unsafe.  Wrangling the proper variables day-in and day-out to simply look and feel okay enough is ever changing and never ending. It’s incredibly taxing to our nervous system and distressing to our spirit. Sad mornings and melancholy afternoons become commonplace, further evidence of our brokenness.

Reconnecting with our inherent beauty and misplaced joy comes with shining a light on our seismic shadows of inadequacy. When we are able to observe the parts of ourselves who have been furiously working to offset our many ‘flaws’, we gain the power to see that it’s not who we really are.  I’ve recently been privy to witnessing my own unconscious patterning of the striving self and I can tell you its discovery is nothing short of euphoric.  Shining a light on our inadequate parts crumbles their validity and evokes expansiveness like nothing I have experienced before.

Breath returns and our mad dash towards enough-ness ceases.

Shoulders melt, stress fades and blood begins to circulate once again.

Our souls sense this newly unwound state almost instantaneously and something miraculous happens…

They return to us.

We no longer have to chase beauty or pin down joy for we have become them.

Beauty is your truth and so is joy. It is our shared truth.

If you are reading this now and questioning whether or not it is attainable for you, let those deficient voices be there. Acknowledge them and thank them for the very tender role they have played for you over the years. They have been shielding something delicate and seemingly damaged.  Inform them that you are now resilient enough to go through life sans their dictatorship. Clearly convey that you are ready for your souls homecoming.

It’s a powerful declaration.

The souls re-inhabitation of the body is not for the faint of heart. It’s far easier to cling onto the false hope that inadequacy peddles than it is to allow for soul adherence.  Fortunately for those choosing the conscious life, we don’t have much of a say in the matter.  We know that any joy or beauty we experience in the absence of soul is a cheap alternative for the real thing.

Take off your shoes and stand in the dirt with me.

Close your eyes and connect to the universal truth that lives in nature and in you and me.

Do it for your sister, your best friend, your mother, and each one of us who has disconnected from our beauty and our joy.  In calling on our souls, we are healing one another.

So much love.